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Do Relationships Mirror Our Love?
Mirror, mirror on the wall; please teach me about love once and for all. Earlier this summer my wife and I celebrated our 22 wedding anniversary. It was an important time for me to reflect on what I have learned during our relationship. I acknowledge that our marriage is not perfect. It has taken a lot of hard work, perseverance and sacrifice. Looking back, it was evident that the biggest love lessons occurred during the more challenging times. It was an insight on mirroring love that became an important lesson for me. I know that I am not alone in my quest to learn more about love and relationships. I hope the mirror love insight will help reflect some light on your relationships.
On our anniversary, we took a trip down memory lane. We shared some laughs as we looked back at our wedding pictures. The hairstyles and the clothes were signs of more free-spirited times. Thank goodness fashions have changed because according to my teenage son, the velvet sport-coats and the mullet hairstyles are not very cool anymore. The pictures had captured bright smiles and warm toasts from friends and family who had gathered to help us celebrate our union. As we flipped through the pictures we started to realize that over half of the couples that attended our wedding were not "couples" anymore. What had happened? What was the cause of all of these relationship breakdowns?
What is happening in our relationships? Are we too busy? Do we have our priorities wrong? Are we looking over the fence at greener grass? Perhaps our relationships are suffering from a lack of training? Our busy lifestyles and misaligned priorities can cause relationship stress, but if our athletes can juggle all of their Olympic demands, you would think we could cope with our everyday events. I acknowledge that the athletes have coaches and personal trainers to help keep them on track, but we can ask for help too. There is no shortage of social services, mentors, counselors and therapists to offer relationship advice and support. By the way, the professionals tell us that the grass might seem greener on the other side, but the roots are still the same. In fact, the divorce rate among second marriages is higher than that among first marriages. According to the enrichment journal on the divorce rate in America, the divorce rate is 60% for second marriages and 73% for third marriages. Wow you would think we would have learned our lessons the first or second time around!
My wife and I pondered these questions as we tried to figure out how we made it this far in our marriage. We discussed the obvious things that are necessary for successful relationships including; honest and open communication, growing together, creating intimacy and romance and of course adding lots of playtime. However, there was a time when our marriage was really tested. My wife had bravely confided that she needed more personal space and that she was considering leaving. I struggled to understand, but instead of getting mad or upset, I mirrored more love. It was not easy at first because my "manly" reaction was to make her feel guilty. I had to put my ego in my back pocket and focus on love.
The practice of mirroring love is similar to the law of attraction. What we give out, we get back. The concept is simple and I am sure many of you have experienced similar techniques. When I express an emotion or thought about someone else; I mirror that same feeling within. When I find a fault in someone else; I expose that same fault within me. When I express love for another being; I love myself. "Love to be loved". It sounds good in theory, but does it actually work? I found that the best place to test this theory is in our intimate relationships. My wife was surprised at my reaction. When she asked for some freedom, I sent her loving thoughts and I felt loved. Our relationship healed over time and I felt a sense of freedom from my emotions.
Bobby of Syncrohearts
Bobby O'Neal helps manage a community forest in Mission, BC. He is also an author and creator of SYNCROHEARTS: The new relationship game you love to play and play to love created for all couples to improve their love for each other and strengthen their relationship. SYNCROHEARTS and Bobby were seen October 15th 2007 on CBC's Dragons Den and were voted by all viewers as the winner of that episode. Bobby has written many articles on self improvement, love and relationships. Visit www.syncrohearts.com for details about this meditation-inspired game and more articles. You may also contact Bobby directly at: info@syncrohearts.com
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